In most of my conversations with couples or persons in a couple relationship the subject of polarity comes up. It seems one of the hardest things to do is to keep polarity in a couple relationship. Partly this is simply biology. We are biologically programmed to lose sexual desire for anyone we live in close proximity to after a certain time. This is the same biological system that makes us not fall in love with our parents and siblings.

What is polarity?

Polarity is not just sexual desire, it is the idea that there is a positive and negative energetic pole, a solar and a lunar, a masculine and a feminine energy. The idea is that in the space between these to poles an energy field is created that gives vitality, vibrance, life, and yes attraction within a couple relationship.

Why does polarity leak?

Just as with a normal battery energy travels from one pole to another. In a couple relationship we see this as the two very different (opposites attract) people slowly become more and more like each other. Because we are generally lazy it takes work to live in a high energy field, we polish the edges and make our life and relationship flow with as little friction as possible, as we do we become more and more alike.

Likewise the qualities that attracted us to our partner where most likely something we lack within ourselves and so we enter into partnership to acquire that quality and slowly we do, we take on that quality that we where lacking and so the point of attraction goes away.

Polarity also goes away when we think we know our partner. Our lazy brains create a pattern or a model of our partner and no matter what the other person actually does or says we hold them to this model. Instead of recognising that very person is an endless mystery we assume that we have this person figured out and so we loose interest.

How do we build or preserve polarity?

The only way to preserve polarity at a certain level is to stay far enough away from each other not to “leak” any energy but close enough to still stay interested or polarised.However preservation does not lead to a viable relationship. It is like putting a battery in a drawer yes you preserve the charge but to what end?

So we need to actively build polarity by putting energy into our relationships. We can do this by playing polarity games. We can play with gender roles and by increasing both poles create a stronger energy field. We can dress up and make special occasions, we can dance (Tango, Kizomba and other couples dance forms that have strong polar roles).

We can also create some distance in the relationship, space to breathe, space to miss each other.

We can choose to not sleep in the same bed to allow some room for personal space, it also makes for some exciting times when we sneak over to our parents bed for a visit.

There are many ways to build polarity, the key here is that we intentionally create difference, distance and space between ourselves and our partner to allow the energy field to grow. This takes intentionality and effort. It will not happen by itself.

What do you do to increase polarity in your relationship right now? Do you notice when it leaks? Share your story.

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