So I am hearing a lot of women say: He just doesn’t know how to touch me. Touch is one of our most basic forms of communication and is so important. It is at the very base of the mallow pyramid and one of our deepest needs. So here are some tips on how to touch.

Touch with consent

Don’t just grab somebody without their consent. Ask: May I touch you? Make sure you have their permission. This is crucial, in to much of our lives we have given up control and delegated responsibility to others, by making sure you have consent you are helping the other person regain this control in their lives. And while you are at it ask if HOW they want to be touched.

Know the different forms of touch

There are many different ways of touching. from firm and hard to feathery and light. From slow and devotional to fast and furious. We all want to be touched differently at different times. Sometimes we need a hard earthy touch sometimes a light feathery touch. To be able to truly give to the person you are touching you need to cultivate many different forms of touch.

Know the difference between giving and taking

Now this is a big one. As you touch the other person make sure you are giving touch, touching them how they want to be touched not necessarily how you want to touch them. Once you deviate from what they want to what you want you are no longer giving and them receiving, you are now taking and them allowing. If this is expressed and consent is given it is ok, but it is a very different thing than giving touch.

Touch with intention and presence

When you touch someone, be there, in the touch. Don’t just put your hand on another body without being in the touch with your presence. Decide what you want to touch, how you want to touch and go for it. Know that it is a divine body you are touching, touch with reverence and devotion. Know what a privilege it is to be invited to touch someone. You should handle another person like you would handle a precious jewel or piece of art, with reverence, devotion, love and total presence.

Practice makes perfect

We need to practice touching. The best way to do this is to ask someone if you could practice on them. Let them tell you how they want to be touched, follow the instructions and ask how you are doing. Am I doing this right? Is it hard/light enough? How can I touch you better? It can become a fun, playful game filled with awe and beautiful sensation. So let’s all get in touch, but lets do it as well as we can.

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