Another week has past since I posted “Our sacred journey” and there have been countless of private messages and questions, ranging from: “How dare you?” to “Congratulations, now tell me how I can get there.” Although in every conversation there is this dancing around the question: But are you having sex with others, outside of your marriage? Most of the time not actually spoken, but all the time implied. It is sad and frustrating that in 2015, we still have a problem talking about sex and sexuality even when someone else is opening up the conversation. But then again being poly is not about sex.
Let me say that again: IT’S NOT ABOUT SEX!
Being in a dynamic relation and being polyamorous, is not primarily about sex, it is about heart, it is about love; Being in love and falling in love, expanding in love and allowing love to infuse your relationships with others. It all starts with the question can I love myself? Can I love my significant other? Can I love more people than that?
It is not an easy path. It is a path of raw vulnerability, admitting, accepting and owning your deepest desires and speaking them to the people that matters most to you. Putting yourself and your heart out there and allowing yourself to love someone who may or may not love you back and to continuously walk into the fire, wear your heart on your sleeve and expose your most tender, vulnerable self not just to one person but to more than one.
The short time we have walked this path I have risen in love, I have had my heart broken, I have made a fool out of myself, I have been rejected, I have been respected, I have been ridiculed and I have been loved. All in a big wibbley wobbly lovey dovey sort of thing.
Some days I am dancing through my life over filled with love and passion, some nights I cry myself to sleep aching from the absence of a loved one. Sometimes we all get along beautifully and sometimes we are angry triggered and hurt. It is love, it is life.
So are we sexually intimate with others, yes. In sacredness and in love. With honour and commitment to love and to hold with transparency and honesty, in sickness and in health for better and for worse. This is not promiscuous swinging or acting out some mid life crisis. This is a deeply personal, spiritual journey to love with all our hearts, withholding nothing but letting our hearts expand until they shatter into a million pieces of starlight and love, and then continues to expand as we reach for sacred union with the divine source.