There are so many paths one can take in life and everyone must choose their own path. There are career paths, spiritual paths and relationship paths. Personally I think that all paths are valid, however I think it is important that each path is chosen carefully and intentionally. One of the many reasons that I openly share and write about the life choices that I have made especially in the area of relationships is that, especially in Sweden, many people do not know or believe that there is more than one valid path to take.
Baba Dez Nichol and Kamala Devi have suggested these three sacred paths in the book that they coauthored.
The sacred path of celibacy
This is the path we all start out on. The path of celibacy is an extremely important and empowering path as it allows us to develop one of the most significant relationships in our lives: The relationship with ourselves. When we walk the sacred path of celibacy well, whether it is for a while or for life, we learn the value of self love and self pleasure. We get to go deep with ourselves and have a golden opportunity to educate ourselves about our own bodies, our needs and our deeper feelings.
I think this path becomes sacred when it is chosen with intentionality and when we use this precious time to really grow a loving relationship with ourselves. It is so important that we (especially in the christian church) stop shaming people walking this path by insinuating that it is somehow a lesser path. If anything, especially from a Christian perspective, this is the higher path.
The sacred path of monogamy
This is of course the path that most people think is the only path in existence or at least the only one worth aspiring to. It is such a wonderful thing to see a couple that walks the path of monogamy well. This path allows for an unparalleled depth and connection between two people and creates such a beautiful and safe container of love where all ones shadow stuff can safely come out and be embraced accepted and integrated thus powerfully creating two whole people walking together.
The sacred path of monogamy can also be travelled for life or for a time as long as it serves. It comes a sacred path when it is traversed well with intention and grace. This path asks us to set aside part of our biological drives and needs and sacrifice them for the depth and intimacy it returns. When done willingly this is a beautiful thing.
The sacred path of polyamory
The sacred path of polyamory is for many an unknown path. There are no blueprints or societal norms to guide how this path is to be negotiated, there are some books, many good but it is still a path that requires the daring to blaze new trails into uncharted territory.
This path will for most people be the most difficult as it is not only outside the box of societal norm but it also triggers our deepest emotions, fears and puts a lot of our social conditioning on it’s head. If this path is walked well it is a fast track to personal growth and transformation. Most importantly it is a path of expansion, expanding our hearts and capacity to love, deeply and intimately, more people than just a single chosen one.
Which path should you choose?
Here is the thing, for most of us it is not going to be an either or but rather an AND. We all start out on the sacred path of celibacy and then we are at choice on how to continue and what paths to walk, whether for life or for a time.
Personally I never walked the path of celibacy very well, if I ever really did walk it at all, after my first real relationship, neither did I manage to walk the sacred path of monogamy very well although I did so for nearly 14 years.
It turns out, however that I am walking the sacred path of polyamory with intentionality, sacredness and, if I may say so, I am doing it very well. It is of course because I am walking it with so much support from wonderful friends and mentors and because of the courage and strength of my beloved. Together we set out into the uncharted territories to blaze a new trail and on the way we have met love, passion, grace, blessings and such beautiful people to walk the path with us. It seems, at least for now that this is really our path.
No one can of course tell you which path to choose, neither is one path inherently better than the other. All the paths have their own challenges and blessings. The important thing is, and it is why I am writing this particular post, that you have a choice and whatever you choose, choose with intention.