I am following the current debate over social media. Men are harassing women left and right. Normal men, Swedish sensitive men….

I get angry at the men for not knowing how to communicate and own their desires. I get angry at the whole party/dating scene devoid of both communication and clear boundaries. But deep down I get even more angry over the demonisation of male sexuality.

The subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) message is that men are pigs, they are weak and just can’t help themselves. Male sexuality is predatory and aggressive and should be contained.

Now just to be clear, I do not defend or condone sexual harassment or acting like an asshat. Consent is sacred and should always be the container for any human interaction.

My point is this, the way we talk (if we talk about it at all) about male sexuality (and oftentimes female sexuality as well) is that it is something dirty or bad, something that needs to be contained or suppressed. I feel that the very act of suppression and demonisation of sexuality is exactly the reason that it comes out in such unhealthy expressions. If we could have an open conversation about desire and sexuality, celebrating it and teaching men how to own their desires, communicate them and negotiate healthy boundaries, we would see a shift out in the real world in how men in general relate and approach women.

We need to have forums where we can address the dual standard requiring men to be gentle, soft and asexual in our demeanour while women read and get off on “50 shades” and secretly wish for a man that would just take and ravish them. The road to healing this rift and the mixed messages men are getting is the celebration of sexuality, clear communication and consent.

In the end it is not a male issue, it is a human issue. If women and men could all own their desires, communicate them clearly and set/respect healthy boundaries we would see a big shift.

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