I had a beautiful cacao ceremony with Keith the Chocolate Shaman.We where sitting in the Sanctuary perched precariously on a slope going down to Lake Atitlan in Guatemala. The sun was shining in the background I could hear the birds and an occasional tuc tuck racing by. we lifted our cups and invite the spirit of the cacao and all other powers/guides.

Without fuss or weighty ceremony Keith talked about quantum reality and the power we all have to shift reality, make quantum jumps into a reality that matches our desire. Whether or not that reality already exists as a parallel universe or we create it as we shift is unimportant.

As the cacao slowly worked it’s way into our bloodstreams spreading its warm glow in our hearts we connected with our the inner smile of our hearts, glowing, pulsating light and joy out onto the terrace.

Then the shift…

I was shifting into a reality where I believed in quantum jumping. Sitting crosslegged with my forehead on the mattress in front of me I was shifting into a reality where my inner critic had a softer voice and where I could fully be in my body and not be distracted by my mind. As I raised my head I felt myself taller, lighter as if I had shifted out of a layer in my pain body and pulled on a cloak of light.

So I decided to go deep. All my life I have had the story that the universe owes me, that somehow I got short changed in my childhood and I am waiting for the universe to pay me back. This leads to a not so healthy sense of entitlement and a victim story that prevents me from fully stepping into my power. According to the wisdom of the enneagram my lost childhood message is “You will be cared for”.

So I decided to shift into a reality where I believe that the universe will care for me. A universe that conspires in my favour. Simple enough right?

As I started shifting, I feel unease in my body, all the sounds around me are amplified. I am trigger by the noise of the tuc tucs, I am annoyed by the birds, I am triggered by the scent of the incense and the sounds of people breathing. I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin. I want to run away, to bypass, to get out of this feeling spreading in my entire body. It is like invisible tiny ants under my skin. It is discomfort on a cellular level.

I ask Keith and he laughs, says my cells are “squeemy”, squirming and screaming at the same time, that I am on the verge of a big shift as my body is resisting on a cellular level. I tell him what I was attempting and he lights up. Yes, it’s the deity game. The “I will not play my part and step up until you do your part god!” Then Keith cocks his head on one side and says, isn’t it amazing that unconditional love will let you play this game for as long as you choose to, for as many lifetimes as you like, just imagine that you set up a whole life to play this particular game.

How do I get out of it? I don’t know, Keith says with a wink, you figure it out! Refusing to play into my game of waiting for that external force to rescue/caretake me. Still playing it!

Keith the chocolate shaman told me exactly what I needed to hear, not that I didn’t already know it. But by refusing to be the guru, the shaman, the vox dei, he allowed me to call myself out.

I don’t want to play anymore. I am going to step into my power, I am going to stop waiting for the big break, waiting for the shift or the game changer. I will be the big break, I will be the game changer, I will be me, all of me. This is my calling.

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