I always found it hard to take the image of God as my heavenly father to my heart. I didn’t want a father like mine (one who lived in a different city, that i met once a year) or like my stepfather while I was in junior high who would get drunk and through whatever wasn’t nailed to the floor in the wall or out the window.

I always searched for a father figure, who could always be there, one who would love me unconditionally, one who would always look at me with compassion.

I never got it, I got a rolemodel in Colin Hatcher who taught me everything he knew, I got Love from Mr Brown who just wouldn’t stop hugging me, I got undying support from Peter Lindquist and so on, maybe all of these parts together would be what the heavenly Fathers love would be like and maybe that is what it was. But that is a hard for a teenager to put that equation together.

I later got a better relation to my father, more thanks to their efforts to constantly invite me oand my new family over, than any effort of mine. Not that I didnät want to there was never time enough. Even so we never seem to meet intimately like I envision that father and son should do at some point. Sharing dreams, laughs, thoughts etc. Maybe one day.

Now I am learning what the Fathers love means day by day by being one. Learning what it feels like when your little one is sick, the sting in the heart when somebody else plays with your child a bit to rough (You know they would never hurt them but…) The tears forming in your eyes when your child walks up to you for no reason and gives you a big hug.

Little by little I am beginning to truly understand what it means when the Bible says that He cares for me like a father, and it feels good.

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