I remember last time I walked with the pride parade in Malmö, I had walked the parade many times before but last time was special, it was the first time I felt that I was walking not just in solidarity, not just a straight ally but this time I was walking for myself. I was walking as a part of the rainbow people, I was there to show love, pride and support for myself.
I am still straight, I am still a man (though I am reconnecting with my inner feminine), but those labels mean so little to me these days. I am guided not by my sexual orientation not by my gender but by love, my love and my eros is moved in all sorts of relationships, I recognise that I am a sexual being, and my eros, my sexual energy is moving when I teach, when i play, when i sing, when I interact with people in general regardless of gender and other labels.
My definition of queer comes from Patrik S. Cheng’s book “Radical Love”
“queer” refers to the erasing or deconstructing of boundaries with respect to these categories of sexuality and gender. – Patrik S. Cheng, “Radical Love”
So in the sense of erasing boundaries, deconstructing societal norms of traditional marriage and relationships and sexuality, I am queer. I apply a queer philosophy to life and a queer theology to my spirituality.
to “queer” something is to turn convention and authority on its head. It is about seeing things in a different light and reclaiming voices and sources – Patrik S. Cheng, “Radical Love”
This has been my practice, both in theology and theopraxi, on my spiritual path and in my everyday life. Being polyamorous is not an easy path, it is never easy to turn societal or religious norm upside down and inside out. It is hard because it engenders a lot of criticism from the people around you who gets threatened as you question the very things they build their own stability on, their worldview. It is also hard because it requires me to go deep into my own beliefs and my conditioning and time and time again question and uproot what was once foundational in my worldview. It requires change and change can often be both scary and hard.
The reward is freedom and love, I want to be surrounded by, immersed in and transformed by this radical love.
Radical love, I contend, is a love so extreme that it dissolves our existing boundaries, whether they are boundaries that separate us from other people, that separate us from preconceived notions of sexuality and gender identity, or that separate us from God. … the connections between Christian theology and queer theory are actually much closer than one would think. That is, radical love lies at the heart of both Christian theology and queer theory. – Patrik S. Cheng, “Radical Love”
So with that in mind I’ll march on with my head held high and the rainbow as my flag, deconstructing (queering) both tradition, scripture, norms, both religious and societal. In love and free.