Whether we like it or not sexual prowess is one of the yardsticks we use to measure our self worth. Many of us feel that we fall short in the bedroom. Mostly this is due to a lack of practical sexual education when we grew up and a lack of communication between partners, we don’t want to hurt the other after sharing what is arguably the most intimate of moments. Luckily, there are some very easy steps to take to become better at love making.
1. Feel your feelings
When we bottle up our feelings we put a limit to how much we can experience and feel. To really meet mind to mind, body to body, heart to heart, soul to soul, we need to clear those blocks and limits. We do this by taking care of our emotional body and really feeling our feelings.
So grab a pillow and scream into it, hit the pillow, access your deepest feelings, express them and release them before making love, coming both physically and emotionally clean to the bedroom.
2. Slow down
When passion comes, it usually comes big like a crashing wave and we get pulled down into the undertow, we loose all sense of control and direction. To really have the full experience of love making we need to be present. One of the ways to achieve this is by slowing down. Breathe slower, move slower. drag out the moment, savour each move, every touch.
It is usually said that women and men live in different time zones sexually, meaning that a female bodied person takes longer to get ready for a sexual encounter. While this may be true physically it’s a fallacy. For a male bodied person to gain longevity and to be fully in control during love making he needs to build sexual energy slowly and over time. This evens the play field so that we live in the same timezone.
So slow down, take your time, enjoy!
3. She comes first
In a lovemaking session between a male and female body it is usually far easier for the man to reach climax and if he goes over the edge there is a down time before the lingam is ready to go again. It is also not uncommon for men to feel the need to retract and refrain from physical contact during this time, therefore it should go without saying that she comes first.
Our sexual response is intimately connected to our breathing, if you breathe fast and shallow or stop breathing altogether you hinder the sexual energy from moving. By steady and deep breathing you can slow down the rush of energy and keep the flow moving. This will give you a deeper and much more satisfying experience.
Sound and breath are of course connected. Sound is another way that we move energy and communicate pleasure to our partner. When we vocalize we create a pleasure feedback loop increasing the pleasure for both partners. Pleasure sound will also let your partner know that you are enjoying what he or she is doing.
Normally movement takes care of itself in a sexual encounter. However sometimes we get lazy and fall into the dead fish or frozen chicken position allowing our partner to move. Not only is this often less enjoyable for your partner but it also shuts down the energy flow in your body. So allow your body to move, to squirm, to wiggle, to shake, whatever the movement just allow your body to move. Switch up your positions, even a tiny change in angle by moving your pelvis can make an incredible difference.
“Instead of climbing the highrise and throwing ourselves of the edge for a few exhilarating seconds of pleasure and a splat at the end, we could allow our lovemaking to be a scenic tour of the country sides with slow rolling hills of pleasure, many smaller orgasms slowly building up in strength and intensity.”
7. Relaxing into bliss
Many of us have taught ourselves to tense up just at the moment before climax and then letting go into a huge explosion. For some people this habit has become so ingrained that it is the only way they can climax. This kind of explosive release can leave us tired and over sensitive which of course puts an end to the beautiful moment we are having.
So maybe instead of climbing the highrise and throwing ourselves of the edge for a few exhilarating seconds of pleasure and a splat at the end, we could allow our lovemaking to be a scenic tour of the country sides with slow rolling hills of pleasure, many smaller orgasms slowly building up in strength and intensity. This is achieved by finding ways to relax into the pleasure. By slowing down, feeling deeply, breath, sound and movement we keep the energy moving and we avoid tensing up allowing the pleasure to build slowly. Sure you can end with a big bang or you can just keep going, and going, and going for as long as everyone involved is enjoying the moment and feeling the bliss.