It’s always there isn’t it! Today my father was in town and there was talk of them coming by our Sunday service. I spent all the extra energy to make it a spectacular service, after all my dad has never seen me lead a service nor preach, and I was so happy that he would come and se as we are doing Epic (A cinematic experiential church service with loads of story telling).

And there we are, I am arriving at the church three hours before the service, exhausted (haven’t slept well), but hey we are doing Epic act 2, a whole service on the war in heaven and the enemy. And then I find out that our tech person isn’t going to show up to do the presentation and sound (Very bad with a service relying heavily on video, sound and lights). But again we are doing a whole service on the enemy some opposition is to be expected.

Then comes the news. My dad has decided to go watch my brothers girlfriend in a rowing race rather than coming to the service and I am down, K.O’d. out of action. Suddenly I am again the 11 year old kid who’s father has told him he is going to send him away. The 12 year old who has to go alone to the train station because his fathers new family needs him more, the 13 year old … well you get the picture. All the old wounds are so fresh and hurting. And here comes the lies, my old friends, you are unimportant, you are a nobody, you are not worth anybodies time.

And I make the same resolutions all over again, fine, I don’t need anyone, I am all alone on my own and I will just prove them all that I don’t need them!

I walk through the rest of the day in a daze and, I cant really meet my fathers eyes or engage in the conversation at dinner. I don’t want it all out now not with all the family (his and mine) around.

Does it ever end, must this destructive pattern repeat ad infinitum. I sure hope not, I don’t know how much more of this I can take.

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Peter Carroll


Remember two things through all of this,

First hurting people hurt other people – and your father is clearly a hurting child!

Second – you hava another Father, who will never let you down and will always be there cheering for you.

And last (yes I know I said two things) – you do have friends and brothers who are with you too!

I am praying for His healing touch for your heart brother!

Oh and don't forget to renounce and break those agreements before bed tonight!

Michael Jones

Patrik, True Knight,

The wounds, the arrows have power when you allow them to. Recognizing them for what they are is the first step to disarming them. But, without the second set of refusing the lies that drive them into your heart, they still hold power.

As Peter has said, your dad is a wounded, hurting child, somewhere inside. He has been seeking comfort for years and is now seeking it in his second family. His love for you will not heal you. Love must be given from a free and open heart for it to heal. Your father isn't able to do that.

As Peter has said, your True Father, the One Who Knows you, inside and out, is able to love you in a way that heals.

The cycle is broken, when you value His love over all others, and rebuke those who would insist that you seek love elsewhere.

Peter Carroll


The simple answer to this question is – I don't know!

But that is unhelpful so let me offer some possible reasons:

1. You are too deep into the battle and can not feel His love for you because of the fog of war!

2. Your heart has become calloused against any attempt by the Father to penetrate because you do not want to allow yourself to be vulnerable enough to get hurt and in doing so you have locked your heart away! Not for nothing is Ransomed Heart Ministry named that way! Often the Ransom has to be paid to the true captor of your heart – You!

3. Your fears are stronger than your ability to receive love. You have made mistakes and you have tried to compensate for them. You see yourself one way, but God sees you in another way. You yearn to actually accept that other veiw, but it is so diametrically opposite to what you see of yourself that you simply cannot accept it! But that does not make it any less true! And God is only going to relate to the You He sees! So if you come as the 'false' you, he does not recognise you! (my word that got convoluted! Sorry, I hope my meaning comes across!)

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