It’s just been New years eve and many of you have been out at different parties, dinners and get-togethers. Some of you may have had the aim “to get lucky” and some of you may feel that you did.
It really disturbs me to hear people say that they are going out, hoping to get lucky. It disturbs me even more when I hear someone in a longterm relationship hoping they will get lucky tonight.
Saying that being sexually intimate with somebody is a stroke of luck, seems to me to both devalue and overvalue sex at the same time. It diminishes the value of sexual intimacy by making it something that may just happen “if you are lucky”, meaning it has nothing to do with you or me or our chemistry or love for that matter it is simply dumb luck. It overvalues sexual intimacy by claiming that it is something that is scarce, it is hard to come by and only the lucky will have a chance to experience it.
Sexual intimacy is a basic human need. It’s up there with food and sleep (Yes I know that there are asexual people, I just happen to believe that they get their needs of touch and intimacy satisfied in different ways that do not include genital touch or penetration). We all need touch and we all need intimate touch. We need the connection that it brings. It should not be attributed to, or left to luck.
I am sure you would think me strange if you asked me if I had eaten yet and I replied: No, I didn’t get lucky today. If you asked me if I slept and I replied the same you would probably inform me that there are things to do to aid in the pursuit of sleep however illusive it may seem.
In the same way sexual intimacy is not something that happens if and when you are lucky, rather sexual intimacy happens because of communication, openness and preparation. Let’s not make sex into a strange and illusive magic that happens only sometimes for some lucky bastards. Let’s affirm sexual intimacy as a basic need and instead of placing it in the realm of providence maybe we can like suggested by theologian Patrick Cheng place it in the realm of hospitality and generosity, like food and lodging. Let us make sexual intimacy into something we can talk and communicate around freely like food, sleep or basic hygiene. As long as we hide our sexuality in the closet (or bedroom) and state that it is nobody business we also make it into something rare, something that may never happen to us.
Let us remember that something can be commonplace, abundant and still treasured and sacred.