I have spent most of my life being afraid of my emotions, not consciously as I have always seen myself as a sensitive guy, but rather unconsciously. Instead of feeling sad I have been thinking that I am sad. Instead of feeling joy, I have been thinking I am happy. Living in my head. My unconscious belief has been that if I feel the deeper negative emotions, I will drown and never again resurface. I feared that if I truly felt the emotions I would get lost and never find my way out. So I made an agreement with myself to only feel the safe emotions and stay in my head.
This last month has taught me not only to actually feel my emotions but my heart and my soul is strong enough to ride through every storm; That when I feel deeply I also feel divine love surrounding me and holding me; That I can hold myself (even when I don’t want to); That I can ask for help and be held by my friends and loved ones.
In the deep waters of my heart I can free dive to incredible depths and above all, I will not drown, I can swim. I have developed a trust not only in myself and my strength but also in the power and purpose of the divine. A trust that the universe is so cleverly devised not to give us more than we can handle right now and no matter how scary the storm seems, in the end love wins!
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