Yesterday I was invited to speak at EKHO (A swedish organisation for Christian LGBTQ+ persons). The talk was held at “Ågesta kursgård” which is also the site of the Salvation Army Officers school in Sweden and the place where I did both my application conference (for becoming a Salvation Army officer) and later my captains courses.
I was very nervous to step back on the grounds and realize that I still carry a lot of resentment and emotional trauma from my time in the Salvation Army and my resignation from being the corps leader of the Malmö Salvation Army corps.
I was greeted by a small group of LGBTQ+ persons who where eager to learn more about the Salvation Army and the state of the LGBTQ+ conversation within the denomination.
As I was talking passionately about the origins of the Salvation Army, I could feel the depth of my love for the organisation and at the same time my broken heart from the break up. The LGBTQ group in front of me was holding me with perfect love and genuine care as I poured my heart out in what was both a love letter and a retelling of a tragic break up with the denomination over differences in ideology and theology when it comes to the LGBTQ+ conversation. I also found myself carefully coaxed out of the metaphorical closet by the loving presence of the group and their curious yet loving questions about my journey. This in the end resulted in a tearful but beautiful coming out (for the first time outside of my immediate private circle) on my part.
As I was leaving Ågesta I felt that, not only was the talk received well and in my book a roaring success, I could also feel wounds in my soul being gently healed by the balm of divine grace and love extended by this beautiful group.
It seems ironic but fitting that the start of the healing process for my bruised emotional and spiritual self would come not from the church, not from the denomination that spurned me but rather from the LGBTQ+ community itself and serendipitous that it would be at the very site where the wounding was initiated.
