So if you have been reading my blog for a while you know that over the last couple of years I have deconstructed my faith and the Christian tradition me and Hanna have belonged to. This has included deconstructing our sexuality and the institution of marriage.
This has led to the transformation of our faith and our entire worldview. Such a change also results in real changes in the way that we choose to live our lives, show up in the world and manifest our future.
To start with we (Hanna and I) have started practicing radical honesty and transparency. Starting with asking some really honest questions about our faith and the traditions that we have been a part of. This radical honesty also has required us to follow the truth and honestly listen to the answers that come up. Some traditions we have abandoned, some we have reframed and others we have chosen to keep.
The most amazing thing for us has been bringing true communication radical honesty into our relationship. Owning our desires and sharing them. Not customising how we present ourselves towards one another according to what we think they want to hear.
To do this effectively we have had to re-learn how to communicate and how to listen. Skills that we have honed over the years with others but funnily enough never applied to our own relation.
Showing up as your honest to god true self, crossing the boundary of fear (the fear that if I am myself, she will leave me) allowed us for the first time to truly meet in the raw, soul to soul.
Naturally this also meant dealing with some heavy emotional processes as we where sharing our deepest desires and also our attractions to other people.
Having struggled for years with our sex professional life finding no useful help in the church or from professional sexologists for that matter, the changes in our spirituality allowed us to search outside the box and led us to finding tantra. Tantric sexuality helped us to finally get back into our bodies and kickstarted our energetic systems in such a way that we could finally connect in a new and beautiful way with each other transforming our virtually non existent sex lives into ecstatic and orgasmic states of lovemaking we could only have dreamed of.
Through tantra we have finally found a way to merge our sexuality and spirituality and through that reach higher states of consciousness together and after 18 years together finally unite in sacred union.
In tantra we have also learned to give and receive tantra massage and realised that this sacred practice allows us to fully embody both our spirituality and our sexuality and it allows us to release blockages both in each other and other people.
With the tantric perspective we also learned about polarity, charge and attraction within our marriage. How attraction /energy builds and how it leaks. This has given us powerful tools to energise our marriage and to intentionally work on staying in love and in passion.
This has revolutionised not only how we relate to one another but also how we counsel other couples.
A new story a dynamic relation
Deconstructing marriage and realising that the religious and societal norm for marriage is not only at odds with our biological truth but also with the witness of sacred scripture has led to radical changes in how we see our own marriage and how we relate to each other and others.
First we have broken up with the notion that we by right of marriage has some kind of ownership claim on the other. True love sets the other free, free to be exactly who they are and to both speak and manifest their own truth in this world.
We have also broken up with fear guilt and shame in regards to our own bodies and in regards to others. What you cannot own you cannot loose.
In our years together we have really worked with trial and error, mostly error. In our marriage we have done everything wrong (and we still get it wrong on occasion, but at least now we have the tools to process and deal with our miss steps) and perhaps that is why we are so good together.
We are recognising that our marriage, our unique soul contract is ours and no-one, not societal norm or religious tradition gets to dictate how we shape it. We are also recognising that any real relationship is a living thing that morphs, changes and transforms over time. Therefore we call it a dynamic marriage. It has changed numerous times over the years and we expect it to keep on changing, transforming , maturing and deepening.
Opening up to access our deepest desires and owning them, building polarity and uniting in sacred union has led to the expansion of our hearts and our minds. We quickly realised that to be true, authentic to our selves we needed to not only be free to voice our desires but also to be free to act on them moving in sacredness and truth. This means that not only do we share and celebrate a beautiful new connection and depth together but we have also invited other people to be part of our family and share in this union.
Why are we sharing all this?
This is such an integral part of our lives these days that it has become important for us as we are sharing our journey with others to be able to do so truthfully and with transparency. No more secrets, no more hiding, no more pretending, to not only enjoy full freedom but to share this freedom with our friends and those who have followed our journey so far.
Here we are in terra incognita, charting new territories and blazing new trails into the unknown. There are no scripts to follow no established tradition. So we follow the deep call of our hearts and the whispered voice of the spirit of love. As we journey on we invite you to either follow from afar or to walk with us into the new dawn.
- Our sacred journey
- Coming out …
- Relationship as a spiritual discipline
- I don’t understand what you are doing….
- Oh my, what a week!
- The sacred paths of relationships
- As far as I am concerned this is the end of your marriage!
- It’s not about sex
- What do we teach the children?
- True love
- The naked truth
- Relationship Anarchy
- Ten years later – any wiser?